“UTTER” CATASTROPHE MARS MOUNT RUSHMORE
MYSTERY COW HEAD APPEARS OVERNIGHT
Rapid City, South Dakota, July 4, 2011 – Workers at Mount Rushmore National Monument were startled Monday morning to discover a giant cow head carved into the rock beside the four presidents. No one can account for how the gaffe came to be.
“I’ve never seen anything so bovine in my life,” an unnamed night guard said. “Who wants to watch Fourth of July fireworks coming up over the head of a cow?”
Local cattle spokesman, Hugh Heifer, defended the position of the mystery sculptors. “I don’t know who they are,” Heifer said. “But if I did, I would applaud their expression of patriotism. Cattle have played an integral role in the history of this great country and the artists clearly felt this would best show that.”
Much debate has been sparked regarding what to do with the cow head. Some argue for blasting it off, though there is concern of how that might affect the rest of the monument. Others believe the new addition should stay, a tribute to the bullheadedness and hard work of unknown artists.
“In the end, being Independence Day,” Heifer said, “whether you’re a cattle lover or not, there's no reason not to celebrate until the cows come home!”