Ali Cross on The Choices I Make

I've known my friend and critique partner Ali Cross for almost three years now and have long been impressed with how well she manages all the different facets of her life: wife, mother, homeschooler, writer, Christian, blogger extraordinaire. Today she shares how she does it.

The Choices I Make

There's a lot I could say about how to juggle all the balls we each have in the air. But none of it would really matter, because my story isn’t your story.

All I can say is this: We all have our priorities and our own choices to make.

Your priorities, your choices will be different from mine. But I think if you took the time to examine what your priorities are, then you might find you’ll do a better job of keeping those balls moving right along.

For me, my priorities are first, myself. This was a really hard one to accept. Nowhere, in any self-help book, parenting book, or even scriptures, does it say to put yourself first. And yet, this is what feels right for me. My health and happiness are paramount—without those things the juggler loses the strength to launch each ball into the air. Without the juggler, the balls won’t be launched or caught at all. Because I am the juggler. So I come first.

Next, comes my relationship with God. And this doesn’t include my “calling” or the activities I do as service within my church. This is just me, in prayer, in scripture reading, in constant association with my Heavenly Father. He brings the skill, the patience, the awareness, and the knowledge to get those balls moving in an orderly fashion.

My husband and children represent most of those balls. They include being kind, loving them, serving them. The nice thing about these balls, is that once I get them going and I pay attention to them, they return the favor to me by imbuing me with strength and happiness each time they pass through my hands.

And finally, my writing, which is really back to me again. Because I am my writing. Writing is an essential element in my care for myself. If I’m giving priority to myself, then I’m giving priority to my writing as well.

Notice, I didn’t include homeschooling or housework as any of my balls. Of course I have them, and they do take their turns whirling among the other colorful balls that I swing through the air. But they come and go.

It isn’t necessary for me to juggle all the balls at once. I am not always serving my husband, so I can throw up the homeschooling ball during those times. I am not always serving my children or writing, so I can replace those balls with housework for a while.

Really, the only balls that I try to keep going all the time are the ones that represent my love and care for myself, and the ones that represent my love and care for my God.

I never have all my balls up in the air at the same time, and I think this is how I manage everything I have to do—by making my priorities, and then building my life around those things. Also, I try never to expect perfection. If a good juggler drops a ball, he doesn’t drop all of them in search of the one rolling away. He simply keeps going, knowing that when he stops he can gather up the dropped ball and include it in his next round.

The same holds true as I juggle all the things I’m responsible for. I’ll drop a ball from time to time, but that’s okay. I just keep going with the balls I have until the day is done. Tomorrow is a new day, my balls will all be assembled and ready for me to animate them, and because I’ve taken care of myself, my hands and mind will be all the more nimble, and perhaps I’ll do a better job of keeping my balls in the air.

It all comes down to the priorities you set and the choices you make. Each juggler is different, and so are we!

How do you juggle all the different facets of your life? 

Wish You Were Here

With spring in the air (and spring break on the horizon), I'm feeling a familiar itch to travel. And while one of these destinations may not end up on the itinerary this year, I love to look at these pictures and dream.

Scotland

I've visited just a tiny portion of this country and loved it, but I want to see so much more.

Ireland

Most of what I saw of this country was from the bus heading north.

So again, I want to go back and really explore!

 Mackinac (Mackinaw) Island, MI

I lived in Michigan for a year and half but never got up to the upper peninsula. The Grand Hotel (above) was built in 1887 and featured in the movie Somewhere In Time. No one is allowed to drive a car on the island. 

Prince Edward Island

Anne of Green Gable's home - need I say more?

Do you love to travel? Is there a place you visit often? If you could go anywhere this year, where would it be?

Under Construction

This is a picture of our newest project - finishing our basement. It's one tall room that we're converting into a bedroom and a storage room.

Since I have construction projects on the brain, I was thinking that sometimes my manuscript resembles the above picture (in all its rawness) after it's been through critique group. Structurally, they say, it's all there, but as far as the pleasing details (the walls, carpeting, paint) that's where it's lacking. And so I go back and tear down the sheet rock and rip up the flooring and give it another go.

As hard as those critiques can be, if I'm honest with myself and listen to that inner writer voice, I realize they are so right--again! Yes, that wall was so not working there, and that shag carpet? We can do way better than that. Once I tear down, build up, and smooth out, I discover what they were able to see all along - the beauty and power of what my work could be. And having friends like that who want me to succeed, who want to help make my stuff the best it can be, well, those friends are worth their weight in gold. (So thank you: Ali, Elana, Jenn and Sara! )

Do you have crit partners or a crit group? How have they helped you? Do you find the "re-construction" of your manuscript hard but worth it in the end?

Weeding Out Worry

I used to be major worrier, especially as a new mom. Is Junior still breathing? Is he too hot, too cold? Is there some logical explanation for his crying? Is he sick; how can we fix it? And on and on. Once I recognized the fruitlessness of worrying, with a lot of help from my non-worrier husband, I worked hard to combat this weakness and I thought I'd done a good job - I was no longer a worrier - until recently.

My second son inherited my former worrier nature, so to help him, we bought a great little workbook for kids called "When You Worry Too Much." The premise is that like plants his worries grow as he pays more attention to them.

He and I started going through this book together and learning about what worries are and how they make kids physically feel, and BAM, I had a epiphany. I'm still a worrier. Naively I thought I'd mostly dispensed with the worrier part of me.

Now I realize that even though I've come a long way, I've still got some worry weeding to do myself, and thankfully working through this book with my son has given us both that opportunity.

Are you a worrier? Have your worries changed over the years? Can we ever be completely free of worrisome thoughts?

Historical Preferences

Like my novels, my reading preferences don't cover one particular period of history. I like most historicals and historical romances - Regency (Jane Austen's time, early 1800's), Victorian (1837-1901), Frontier, Post-1900. If anything, my favorite historicals are those that cover a lesser known period of history. For example, one of my favorite Christian fiction authors, Siri Mitchell, has a book set in New York City in 1891 called She Walks in Beauty. Having never read anything set in this place and time period, I found the historical details very fascinating.

This last weekend I had an idea for a new novel (it seems the new-idea-muse comes most often when I'm in bed sick - go figure), but the story could really take place in one of several periods in England. Right now I'm thinking either Regency or late 1870's-1880's.

So which time period do you like reading or watching best -  Regency (Pride & Prejudice, Emma), Victorian (North and South, Christmas Carol, Gone with the Wind), Frontier (These Is My Words, Lonesome Dove), or Post-1900 (The Great Gatsby, Grapes of Wrath)?

Things That Make Me Smile

1. Getting flowers from my DH

2. Watching these two little feet crusin' around

3. Seeing my oldest son's excitement about reading

4. Witnessing my other son's creativity (this is a robot)

5. Creating this four-leaf clover chain

6. Reading this and realizing what divine miracles

went into the fight for American independence

What makes you smile?

Our Own Stories

Did you see this Yahoo News headline last week: Buckles, last WWI doughboy, dies at 110 in W.Va? Having written a novel set in this time period and thinking about all of those eyewitnesses gone, I felt a sense of loss, especially when I learned there are only two WWI veterans left in the entire world. I hope these men have shared their stories with their descendants so their eyewitness accounts are not lost to future generations.

I think this is what fascinates me most about history - not so much the events themselves, but the individual stories of those who were eyewitnesses to the events. A quote from the book Over There: The United States in the Great War 1917-1918 by Byron Farwell sums it up this way: Corporal Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, a stretcher bearer in the 1st Moroccan Division, said after a battle, "You could see nothing of the agony and passion that gave each little moving human dot its own individual character and made them all into so many worlds."

All of us have a story, our eyewitness accounts to historical moments, the details that make up our unique lives. I hope we're sharing those stories and asking those who have come before us to share theirs.

If you could sit down and talk with an eyewitness from any event in history, who would it be or what event would you choose?

Giveaway Winner: Thanks so much to everybody who entered my giveaway. It was really fun to see the different books all of you are reading. And the winner is . . . Pamela! I'll e-mail you today, Pam, to send your prize.

If At First You Don't Succeed . . .

My husband heard this awesome story the other day about Soichiro Honda, the founder of Honda Motor Company. Before WWII, while in college, Mr. Honda used all the credit he could get to develop a new way for piston rings to run. When he presented the idea to Toyota, though, they laughed at him. He even became a laughing stock among his colleagues.

He didn't let these setbacks stop him, though. He spent several more years refining the piston rings. Eventually he decided to build his own warehouse to manufacture them, but with the onset of WWII, he couldn't get the concrete he needed to build. So he developed his own concrete company so he could have the materials to build his warehouse. During the war, the warehouse was bombed several times and an earthquake damaged it. Finally Mr. Honda had to sell the business.

Later he invented a little bike with a motor (pictured above) to get around quicker and people started asking for them. He began making and selling those, along with other motorcycles, and then he turned his attention to making cars. Today Honda Motor Company is the world's fifth largest car manufacturer and the largest manufacturer of motorcycles and internal combustion engines.

What if Mr. Honda had given up when Toyota laughed at him? Or when he couldn't get the concrete he needed? Or when his warehouse was bombed?

I hope I have the gumption and fortitude to keep reaching for my dreams. Because I can't know if this next step might just be the ONE, the one I might miss if I threw the towel in now.

Have you almost given up on your dreams? What made you keep going?

*Don't forget my first giveaway ends tonight at midnight! I'll announce the winner on Monday.